Halibut Herald

Hello and welcome to the second column of  ‘Oh Snap! With Matt!’

Today we will be learning about one of my favourite venomous animals in the World. Is it a big mean snake with those deadly teeth? A scorpion with that wicked tail? Oh No! Was it a creeeeeepy spider?!? No, no, and no. My favourite venomous animal is a mammal…..Ornithorhynchus anatinus or more commonly the Platypus.

Whoa now, hold the phone there Matt. A venomous MAMMAL? Get real. Yes, the platypus is one of 6 venomous mammals in the world. The others all deliver venom through their saliva, and aren’t anywhere near as cool as the platypus with it’s specialized delivery system.

To quote Venomous Animals and Their Venoms Volume 1; “The venomous apparatus of the platypus is confined to the male. Externally it consists of a moveable horny spur on the inner side of each hind limb near the heel. The spur projects for about 15mm and is tapered, conical, and slightly curved. It is enclosed at the base in a fleshy sheath and normally lies against the leg but can be erected into a rigid position more or less at right angles to the leg.”

This book goes on to describe a fearsome Platypus Attack; “When attacking, the platypus drives the hind legs toward one another with considerable force so that the spurs are embedded in the flesh caught between. In at least some cases difficulty was experienced in forcing the legs apart so that the victim could be released.”

I want each of you to picture that for a moment. And be sure to use the voice of your favorite Aussie. I’m thinking, my hero Steve Irwin for the voices…

The story unfolds –

You’re out on a hot day in Australia (the native land of this animal) with your dog and your hunting buddy Jeb. You’re on a search for the mythical Bunyip, a storied creature much like our Sasquatch.

With no Bunyip in sight you look far ahead of you and see some other type of interesting creature. “Oh lookie there Jeb! It’s one of them platopy! What a lil beauty! Let’s shoot it and take it back to throw on the Barbie!”

So you shoot the bugger but only wound it. You’re a bad shot after all those Foster’s. Fearlessly (the Foster’s at work again) you approach, silently (while humming a Men at Work song of course), when out from the bushes leaps the feared platypus, digging it legs into your arm.

“Oh Jeb! Help me! This little blighter’s got a hold of me!” So Jeb comes over and he’s trying to pry its legs apart as it snaps it’s duck billed looking muzzle at you. It’s furious and still, well, a beaver with a duck bill.

“Oh geez whiz Jeb, if we don’t get this offa me quick I’m dingo food. I feel so……” And you pass out from the effect of the venom which causes rapid loss of blood pressure. The last thing you see is Jeb getting his nose viciously billed.

You wake up several hours later, your arm swelled up like crazy, and a koala peering in through the window. He’s worried about you, he has had a platypus/koala experience himself. I’m pretty sure we can all agree that would be cute as all get out. You wave to your friendly koala, put on a shirt, and go find Jeb.

You find Jeb out cooking his favourite meal, pancakes with vegemite. He’s kinda weird but a good mate all the same, you try and grin upon seeing him. Jeb grins back and asks, “Hey there sleepin’ beauty, do you wanna go get that little buggah?” He gestures towards the shotgun leaning up against a wall.

You look at your arm all swelled up to 3 times it’s size and reply “Nah mate, no worries.”

My apologizes to any and all Australians I may have offended. I only tease because I love.

Don’t get caught playing with your platypus,

Matt Yeoman

BABY PLATYPUS PHOTO SOURCES @ Flickr and Impact Lab